Dead or Alive
by lockofcurls
Summary: Her captain was killed and all she felt was pain.


Life as Matsumoto Rangiku knew it was spiraling out of control and away from her grasp.

Aizen faked his own death.

Tousen and Gin were in on it.

Gin lied and betrayed her.

They were all going into Hueco Mundo.

Aizen killed Hinamori and Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya was dead. Her captain was _dead._

No one reached for her as she collapsed to the ground, surrounded by fellow shinigamis near her captain's office. The office she'd spent years working and laughing with Hitsugaya. Her tears came in waves and burned as they trickled down her face. She did not scream; she knew screaming wouldn't solve anything because her pleas wouldn't rectified and wouldn't bring her captain back to life.

_Dead._

She thought about her child-prodigy captain in Bankai battling the traitor. Ice consuming everything around him as he raised his zanpaktou to his formally-deceased fellow captain.

_Dead_.

She cried at thought of Hinamori's dead form exposed to him, fueling his anger. _Please, _she prayed,_ don't let him have seen that. He'd been through so much already_. She wondered how long the battle had ensued.

_Dead._

Rangiku remembered Aizen's perfect form gliding in and out their lives and into the position of enemy, remembered how untouched Tousen and Gin had been. Had he even stood a chance?

_Dead._

Her fingers scraped along the ground as she struggled for a grip on the chaos around her, her perfectly manicured nails becoming quickly destroyed.

_Dead._

There was yelling and people running around her. She vaguely registered that someone was speaking to her. Words came in and out of her mind but nothing was sticking.

"Alive… calling for you… fourth… bed… Captain!"

A small amount of dirt was kicked around her hands as came to hault in front of her. Her fair was brushed from out of her eyes and her head was lifted to a bleary, but joyous face. _How can someone be happy like this? Can't they realize what's happened?_

"Matsumoto-san!" Captain Ukitake spoke to her. "He's alive, Matsumoto-san! He's alive and breathing!"

_Alive?_

She allowed herself to be pulled into the standing position, Captain Ukitake holding both elbows from behind her to help with her unsteady legs. The older man's hand on her right elbow dropped to her waste, while another hand gripped her abandoned elbow and other side. Through tearful eyes she looked at the kind smile on Captain Kyouraku.

"Ky-Kyouraku-taichou? Ukitake-taichou?" Rangiku's eyes shifted from one captain to the next.

"Hold on, Matsumoto-san," Captain Kyouraku spoke.

A harsh but familiar breeze whipped at Rangiku's face as she was shunpoed from Tenth Division to Fourth.

_Alive._

* * *

The small room in Fourth Division healing quarters was dim and quiet and empty. Captain Unohana had lead the three to Hitsugaya's room, where Rangiku promptly broke down once again, in a mixture of tears of joy and sorrow, at her captain's broken form. Bandages covered nearly his entire upper body and his snow-colored hair was slightly damp from what she assumed was melting ice.

Matsumoto Rangiku had never, in her life, experienced so many emotions at such a strong intensity before. Rage, sorrow, depression, emptiness, joy, fear. Her friend and captain was alive; barely breathing, but alive.

Hesitantly, Rangiku reached out to touch the small hand before her. It was completely wrapped in bandages. _Had he gripped his hilt as hard as __Hinamori__ did? __To the point of bleed__ing__ Oh, __taichou_

There was groaning and slight twitching coming from the previously still body and Rangiku's heart leapt within her.

"T-taichou?"

"Matsu—" Hitsugaya went into a small fit of coughs.

"Shh taichou. You can talk and yell all you want _after_ you're feeling better. Rest now."

"Is she…?"

"I don't know, taichou," she told him. In truth, she hadn't thought to see how the younger girl had been doing.

"She's alive as well, Hitsugaya-taichou," Captain Ukitake spoke up from behind her.

Hitsugaya nodded before turning his heavily lidded eyes on her. They were the saddest pair of eyes she had ever seen and vowed from then on to never allow that look appear in his eyes again.

"I won't leave you. I _promise_ you, Hitsugaya-kun."

"That's Hitsugaya-_taichou_, Matsumoto," he choked out.

She couldn't stop the small smile from appearing on her face. He'd make it through this. They both would. She squeezed his hand gently and wiped away the lone tear that had fallen onto her cheek.

Rangiku waited until way after the two older captains had left, after her own had given into slumber, after the halls behind her had darkened and quieted before she allowed herself to indulge in sleep herself.


End file.
